My Thoughts are Stars...

It seems that I am the worst blogger of all time. I suppose I'm ok with that since I haven't really been blogging to be a blogger but, rather, to keep my faraway friends posted on my life. Of course maybe that makes me a bad friend as well. But we shan't dwell on that.

Something that I'm quite happy about is the fact that I've been out living life instead of blogging about it. I probably said that last post. I'm too lazy to go check. But it's becoming increasingly true. Tonight, however, I have a million thoughts racing around in my head and I thought it might help to get some of them on paper (well, digital paper anyway).

The last few months for me have been a season of settling. (Nobody freak out! I don't mean settling FOR anything, I mean settling INTO things. So...the GOOD kind of settling.) I've settled into my apartment, into my job, and into my community. The Burrow is decorated and feels more and more like home every day. I don't have the most glamorous job, and I certainly don't plan on doing it forever, but I can say with confidence that I genuinely like the people I work with. I know not many people can say that so for this I am grateful. And my community- well I have the greatest friends a girl could ask for. I miss my friends back home and afar every day. But I've found a place here where I fit, and people who love me and I love right back. The Lord has been clearly faithful to me in so many areas, but none more than this.

I took a trip to Asheville, NC a few weekends ago with some lovely ladies. It was my first time in NC (despite the fact that my daddy grew up there, I spent my whole life hearing about it, and I was raised in a home where you root for the Tarheels, gosh darn it!) It was lovely. The trees were changing, the weather was flawless, and I couldn't have asked for better company. We went apple picking and hit up the JCrew factory warehouse sale (talk about chaos!) As some random and often quoted person once said, "I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order."

I don't have any sort of clever segue into the next section, so I'm just gonna dive right in...

Things I've learned recently:

1) The world is smaller than you think, so a) you never know who you may meet or run into and b) you have to be careful what you say, to whom you say it, and where it is said. I've heard a lot of interesting things through the grapevine since moving here. 

2) Sometimes big risks bring big rewards. (Yes, I'm aware this is a basic finance concept but it's true in everyday life as well.) Even if the bigger picture/story doesn't turn out the way you hope or expect, sometimes simply having the story itself to tell is worth the risk.  After all, life is, in many ways, one big adventure made up of thousands of little stories. You may as well make them worth telling.

3) Perfect moments are untaintable. I'm aware this is not a word, but I like it so I'm using it. I'm figuring out that even if a story, relationship, dream, whatever- doesn't end well or turn out how you wanted it to, that doesn't negate the beautiful moments. Sometimes you have a perfect silver-screen moment and that moment- that memory- will last forever. I guess what I'm getting at is an imperfect ending doesn't make a perfect beginning or middle imperfect. Those moments stand on their own. And nothing and no one can take that away from you. I probably didn't explain that well. Whatever...it's a thing that I've learned. 

4) Risks and adventures are amazing fuel for the songwriting fire. (This one speaks for itself.)

5) I will never write happy songs as well as I write sad songs. (Ever. Never ever.) And I am ok with that. 

6) Nashville is breathtakingly beautiful in the fall (slash always.) 

7) Life is complicated (this I already knew) and becomes increasingly more complicated as you get older (this is a new discovery for me.) I guess I sort of expected things to get simpler after a certain point and start falling into place. The opposite appears to be true. The lines keep getting more and more tangled. The difference is that the older you get the better you become at twisting and turning your way through this tangled life.

8) Speaking of twisting and turning- a good dance party is one of the best cures from stress, boredom, anger, or the blues.

So these are some of the thoughts doing a full-on triathlon in my brain at the moment. My mind is also filled with oodles of quotes (what can I say, I know a lot of quotes. I like me some quotes. It's kind of my thing. Sorry I'm not sorry.) that sort of, but not fully, express where I find myself at the moment. For example:

"So, this is my life and I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." -Perks of Being a Wallflower

"It feels good to be lost in the right direction." -Something I saw in Pinterest

"When nothing is certain, anything is possible." -Something else I saw on Pinterest (I really like Pinterest, okay?)

And, more than anything else...

(-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars)

And, for the moment, that's alright with me. The stars are still beautiful even if you take the shapes away. It doesn't always have to make sense or form a perfect picture. They just shine. And that is enough.

My Life is a Tennessee Thunderstorm

It started as a simple errand; I wanted to see if Hobby Lobby had put their Christmas trees out yet (they have not) so I headed out into the muggy evening to find out. The drive there was fairly uneventful, but as I turned out of my apartment complex and saw the city below I was struck with the beauty of this place. I remembered the first time I set foot in Nashville. It was nothing like I’d pictured and everything I’d always wanted (but never known I did). There was something so magical about this city I had stumbled into by sheer accident, and it took my breath away. But sometimes I forget.

I’ve been here a little over three months now. This is absolutely crazy to me. Some days it feels like I’ve been here forever, and other days it feels like I just got here yesterday. Truthfully I’ve barely scratched the surface of all that Nashville has to offer- all its amazing things to do, places to see, and people to meet. But still, three months is a long time. I’ve made some friends and started to find places to fit here. No, it’s nothing like I thought it would be. The EP is finished but not online yet (waiting for the artwork to be finished…which should be soon!), I did just get a part time job at Barnes & Noble, which will give me something to do and bit of income until I find something more permanent, but it certainly isn’t the dream job. But it’s something. And I’m starting to feel comfortable here.

And therein lies the problem. Often with comfort comes complacency. And when you become complacent it’s easy to lose the magic of a thing or place. When I first got here most of my time spent out of my apartment was spent behind the screen of my Garmin trying to figure out where on earth I was and where I was supposed to be going. Now that I’ve gotten to know the city I can get a lot of places without it. But once you know a place you often see it as it is in your head. I worked so hard to draw a map of Brentwood in my mind so I could learn the lay of the land. But now what I see when I look at the city is usually that map- places and things, streets and stoplights. But there’s so much more than that.

This place is so full of magic. I felt it the moment I stepped off the plane last April. I felt it as I walked the streets with my parents that weekend, and alone that July. I felt it when I got caught in my first Tennessee thunderstorm after a late-night movie with a friend. And oh sweet south, did I feel it as I drove to the airport to head back to Houston, tears streaming down my face. I think I’ve gotten so wrapped up in getting settled here that I’ve lost sight of why I wanted to come here in the first place. And when I look at this place with fresh eyes I see the magic hasn’t gone anywhere.

As I drove to Hobby Lobby I saw the rain clouds forming over the city below. (I think it will be helpful for you to know that my complex is atop a hill of sorts so Brentwood is, in fact, below me when I look out from my apartment.) A shadow fell over the rolling hills, a few brave beams of sunlight peaking through the clouds and the tall trees. And I thought to myself over and over again, “I never want to take this for granted.” The fact that I get to walk out my door every day to this view; that I get to live in a place that looks like this, where the people are as sweet as the tea, where the magic is palpable- I want to wake up every morning grateful for that. The magic is here, buzzing in the air, dripping from the dark grey clouds above, flashing in the sky tonight.

So I take myself back to last April and July, and I hold every moment in my mind and try to capture the feelings- of adventure and wonder and absolute gut-wrenching terror that brought me here in the first place.

On the way back home I saw the sun in my rearview mirror and the storm rolling in ahead. And I realized this is my life, my future. I have no idea what lies ahead and, quite frankly, that scares the heck out of me. Moving here was the “brave” part, but I also think it was the easy part. It reminds me of cliff jumping. (Side note, I did that! I went cliff jumping with some friends a few weekends ago and it was probably the single most terrifying and exhilarating experience of my life. I adored it. PS for those of you who feel the need to tattle to my mother, don’t bother- she already knows. And no, she wasn’t particularly pleased about it. But back to my point…) Jumping off a very high cliff into the lake below was just nigh paralyzingly scary. It took every once of courage in my small frame (and just a dash of reckless abandon) to just leap. I felt like I was falling forever. I kept waiting and waiting to hit the water. Then I finally did. And it was over; I’d done it. And it wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected. In fact, it was wonderful. It’s a memory I will keep (and cherish) for the rest of my life. (I even did the high cliff twice!) But then the jump was over and I was in the water. Now what?

I had to swim back to a lower cliff so I could climb back up. It was a long swim and after the jump my heart was racing. I’m a fairly good swimmer, but the long swim back was definitely the hard part. See, leaping off a cliff took faith. But swimming back to shore took effort. And I wondered as I reached a lower part of the cliff if I’d be able to climb it. And the answer was no. I had to keep swimming and swimming until I finally found one I could climb.

I figured I would make it home tonight before the heart of the storm hit. But as I looked out on it I thought about countless road trips I took with my family as a kid. It probably wasn’t so great for my father, but my favorite part was driving through the rain. As a kid, sitting in the back seat as the rain dripped down my window was such an amazing thing. The world often looks more beautiful when seen between raindrops, and some of my best daydreams took place in those moments. I would lose myself in a thousand different fairy tale lands without fear because my daddy was at the wheel, and I trusted him. I knew that he would get me safely wherever we were going. And that beyond the rain lay the daybreak. It struck me that driving through the rain is really only scary for the one driving the car (unless, of course, you are my mother, who is afraid of everything when someone else is driving- especially rain). I know that the Lord taking the wheel is both a cheesy cliché and a Carrie Underwood song, but I’m going to use it anyway, because that’s what I felt as I drove toward the dark wall tonight- an overwhelming sense of not being afraid. I am free to sit in the back seat and watch the world from between raindrops, and lose myself without fear. Because my Daddy is driving the car, even though I have no idea where we are going. But He does. And He’ll get me there safely. And beyond the rain lies the daybreak.

At this point the rain actually did hit me. Full force. I kept driving because I was only about 2 miles from home, and my apartment complex was pretty much the closest place to pull off anyway. And in that moment, driving the car, I was afraid. Traffic was going about 15 mph and I could barely see the road directly in front of me. The wind blew the rain in bursts so some moments I could see a little, and other moments I felt like I was in a rinse cycle of a car wash. But I got home safely and this only heightened my feeling of the Lord speaking to me, saying that as long as I don’t try to drive the proverbial car there’s nothing to be afraid of. We’re headed to the daybreak on the other side. I’m just not sure how long it’s going to take to get there.

Well, that was deep.

I did manage to include most of the new updates in there, however. Like the part time job I’ll be starting on Monday. Or the new friends and the cliff jumping. Even the EP status. Really the only other thing I can think of is that I finished my book. Whoop! Now to review and edit it. It certainly took a long time, but I’m so happy. And not at all surprised that it took Tennessee for me to get it done. I told you, there’s something magical about this place. It’s almost electric. All you have to do it reach out and touch it. Especially on a night like this, with a perfect thunderstorm that rattles your bones and terrifies your pet rat.

The heart of the storm has just about passed over as I finish writing this. But the rain is still falling, and I can still hear the thunder rumbling in the distance. I got drenched running in from my car earlier, even though I had an umbrella. It was insane. In case you’re wondering if I changed out of my wet clothes and into my Christmas onesie, of course I did. I mean, what else would you wear on a night like this? (Especially after seeing the Christmas decorations at Hobby Lobby- they have most of the decorations out already, just not the trees. I shall return there this weekend and continue Tree Hunt 2013.) And now I’m headed to brew a nice cup of tea, have a molasses cookie (my grandmother’s recipe), and watch some form of delightful British television (I haven’t decided which one yet).

I Can Show You the World (Or At Least My Apartment...)

I spent some time trying to come up with the perfect name for my apartment (it’s just a thing I do.) There were several good options, but they didn’t seem to quite fit. For example:  “The Shire” and “Hobbiton” were two of my first thoughts, but those are names of villages and large acres of rolling hills. They’re too outside-y to be given to an inside-y place. “Bag End” and “Mole End” were also on the list, but those are partially or wholly underground. They’re cozy, but they’re dark and small and not quite what I was going for. Howgarts wasn’t right. Raxacoricofallapatorius is a personal favorite. But I might be the only person I know who can both remember and pronounce it. Besides, it's a planet. And Gallifrey is also a planet and it’s giant and red. So that didn’t work either. This may seem like a lot of effort for such a silly thing but, hey, that’s how I roll. Finally, after much deliberation, I found the perfect name. And here I am in video form to give you a tour of it…

You may be curious why I chose the name I did. It’s because when you think about it, it really is the perfect fit. It’s tall, and I live on the third level of my apartment complex. And it’s a nice, light, homey place. I have often wished I could visit and spend some time there. It just seems like the perfect place to come home to at the end of the day, and unwind with the people you love. So, real life Burrow (no one better say anything about it “not being a real place,” because I’m not gonna hear it) I tip my invisible hat to you.

Hope you enjoyed the tour. You may have seen some of my motivational writing pictures scattered around the apartment. Those are fun. Also, let me know what you thought about the song clip. I’d love to get your feedback.



For those of you who don't recognize the names referenced above, (I am disappointed in you, but) I have provided a cheat sheet of sorts:

The Shire: http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Shire

Hobbiton: http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Hobbiton

Bag End: http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Bag_End

Mole End: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pKVVmmp4N0

Hogwarts: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hogwarts

Raxacoricofallapatorius: http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Raxacoricofallapatorius

Gallifrey: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gallifrey

The Burrow: http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/The_Burrow

Vlogging

Hello world, prepare to be entertained. At least I think you’ll find this video entertaining. I had a plan in my head of something I thought would be cool to do as a video post for my blog. That plan went horribly wrong. I’ve done my best to salvage the footage into something reasonably close to what I was aiming for. But it’s still a little funny at my expense. And I’m ok with that.

After I filmed yesterday’s portion of the video I got some caffeine-induced cleaning done, then had a caffeine-induced Justin Timberlake PJs dance party, in case you were wondering. (I’m sure you were.) Today I did a brief tour of my apartment but haven’t had time to edit it into a watchable video yet. So stay tuned for that in the next couple of days.

Also, I’m pleased to report that my printer is working splendidly now that I’ve changed the ink cartridges. (Motivational pictures PRINTED!)

In other news, I was finally able to get a Tennessee driver's license. I say "finally" because this was my third trip to the DPS. The first time I wasn't aware I needed a copy of my birth certificate or a passport with me to get a license in another state. So I hate to have my parents mail me my birth certificate. Then I went back on Tuesday and they were so busy they were sending people away three hours before they closed. It seems every 15/16 year old in the state of Tennessee was there getting their permit/license since school just let out. I went again on Wednesday. I got there when they opened and still had to wait for two hours. Boo. But I feel very official now. I also have more proof supporting my theory that absolutely no one looks good in their license photo. Ever.

That's all for today. I hope you enjoyed the video, even though it didn't turn out like I'd hoped.

Happy June

It's June. Which means it's been over a month since my last post.

My bad.

Although technically I said I'd keep you posted on anything worth knowing, and nothing worth knowing has really happened. So I guess I'm off the hook. Maybe.

But I figured I should toss something out into the bloggisphere to let you know I'm still alive.

In keeping with my last post, I think I shall just give you a nice little list of things I've been up to, since there really isn't enough info to type long and interesting paragraphs.

So... things I have done since my last post:

1) Turned 24

I seem to have reached the age where birthdays are just another day like any other, and actually make me kind of sad. I'll be 30 in just 6 years, and what am I doing with my life? Not much, that's what. I guess I thought by this age I'd have it all together; know what I was going to do with my life, maybe be settled down. But no, my life is the opposite of that. Which actually I'm totally fine with. It's just not what I expected. And I have no idea what I'm doing. Yay, making things up as I go!

2) Tried lots and lots of coffee shops

I've been searching for my new Mugwalls (the place I frequented in college.) But the problem with searching for a new anything is the comparison factor- nothing ever quite lives up to the romanticized idea in your head of whatever it is you're comparing it to. But I found a place I like pretty well so I may start frequenting it. Too bad it's 20 minutes away from my apartment. That's what I get for settling down in the 'burbs.

3) Watched Netflix

I think this one speaks for itself

4) Got my furniture (WHOOP)

Yeah, this one actually is really exciting. I kind of forgot about that. That's how long it's been since my last post- I forgot that things worth posting about actually happened. But I was way super busy that week and didn't have much time for anything but running around like a crazy headless chicken. My parents drove up from Houston (woohoo) with all uhaul full of all my stuff (yay.) We did tons of unloading and carrying of heavy things. And with a little help, and a few sofa-induced injuries, we got everything into my apartment and unpacked. It actually feels homey and comfortable and needless to say I'm much happier with a bed and a television than I was without them. It was really good to see my parents but I didn't get to spend a ton of quality time with them because we were mostly unpacking and running errands. But it was nice, nonetheless. And I got to be with my mom on Mother's Day.

5) Went to the TN RenFest

It was fun. But it was not as cool as the TX RenFest. It was much smaller (confirming that everything's bigger in Texas) and the people were not nearly as sold out nerdy. I have to say, I miss the days of crowds of crazy Texans dressed in costumes, talking in ridiculous accents, and parading round the giant festival grounds. I guess us Texans are just more secure with our nerdy awesomeness. But they do have a castle here. Which is cool.

6) Saw some Texas friends

It's always great to see friends from back home who are passing through on their way to a new adventure, vacationing with the fam, or visiting their kiddos. Here's where I issue a PSA that I have an air mattress, a sleeping bag, and a really comfortable sofa, and am now accepting out of town guests. Hit me up, homies- I miss y'all!

7) Not getting a TN driver's license

Apparently you have to have a birth certificate or passport with you in order to get a license in a different state.
I was not aware of this.
So now that I've regrouped and gathered all the necessary documents, it's time to try again next week.
It feels super official and strange.
Texas forever, though.
4-evah.

8) Went to the movie theater 3 times in one week

There were no good movies coming out for months and months. Then out of nowhere like 5 awesome movies come out at one time--BAM. I saw Gatsby (which was pretty good), Iron Man 3 (which I like a lot), and Star Trek: Into Darkness (which was AWESOME! Benedict Cumberbatch forever!) I'm thinking about hitting up Now You See Me next week. Seriously, Morgan Freeman fell asleep during an interview about the movie so I have to see it now, if for no other reason than that Morgan Freeman is awesome and that is hilarious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qARe8q0rR0E

9) Did other random things

I've been reading through the Lord of the Rings again, working on my book, cooking (because I have my kitchen stuff finally- whoop!), trying to train Loki (unsuccessfully), frequenting the fitness center at my apartment, and feeling homesick.

Yeah, it's not that exciting. But there you have it.

I'll let you know if anything notable happens. Which could be in two days, two weeks, or two months. Who knows.

Being An Adult

Here's a list of things that make me feel like an adult:

1) Living on my own
2) The fact that I think I may have found a church (whoop!)
3) Paying bills (boo)
4) Dropping $180 at the grocery store
5) The fact that I bought hummus

6) The amount of Odwalla in my fridge right now

7) Having thoughts like "Maybe I'll grab a rotisserie chicken for dinner tonight." (More specifically  this makes me feel like my mother. So... hmmmm.)

8) Learning my way around parts of Brentwood without my GPS (which, by the way, decided that right after I moved to a new state would be the perfect time to die on me. I had to guy buy a new one on Sunday #firstworldproblems)

9) The fact that I've been fairly consistent about hitting up the apartment gym. (meh)


Here's a list of things that make me feel like I'm actually still a kid playing grown-up:

1) My stubborn determination to carry all my grocery bags up the stairs in one trip (two trips is for n00bs)

2) The fact that this made it into the cart at Kroger today

3) The fact that I have to get other people to do things like hang curtain rods (thanks, Zach) and open salsa jars. (For those of you following the saga on Facebook: No, I still haven't gotten it open yet.)
4) The level of emotional distress I'm feeling because my pet rat hasn't warmed up to me yet
5) The fact that I have a pet rat

On that note, some of you may have missed that memo. So, ladies and gentlemen, meet Loki of Asgard

There's not too much else to share with you guys. It's been raining a lot, so I haven't done much exploring. I have gotten a lot of writing done on my book, though. I'd say I'm a little over halfway done. And this week promises to be more exiting then the last one. You'll hear more about that in the next blog post, probably. And somebody's having a birthday on Saturday. Not gonna say who. But I think you might know her... 

The whole time I was writing this blog post I kept thinking about "This is Why I'll Never be an Adult" from the blog Hyperbole and a Half. If you've never seen that blog, you are seriously missing out. And if you've never read that particular post before (or even if you have) then here you go, and you're welcome. (Apologies in advance for the profanity in her posts. But it's infrequent and completely worth it.)

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html

Imperfection Anonymous

When I first started blogging- You know what, let's hit pause for one second. You're probably already thinking, "This girl has made all of four blog posts and she's already about to share some important lesson she's learned from her vast experience." I'm right, aren't I? So this is the part where I point out that I've had other blogs before. I blogged briefly in college, and even did a detailed city by city segment after our family trip to Italy. (That part was pretty awesome actually. Not that I'm an amazing blogger, but because I was writing about Italy. Kind of hard to mess that up, right?) But the whole blogging thing never really stuck for me. And I've only recently figured out why that is....

Ok, un-pause. Or, I guess that's called "play." Whatever...

My blogging experience thus far has consisted of me carefully crafting the perfect post to make people think I'm a perfect girl living a perfect life. I'd obsess over making it witty and charming, or at the very least deep and pensive. The point of my blogging was to impress people, plain and simple. And you know what, there's no point to a blog who's only point is to impress people; to project themselves as perfect. Brace yourselves, because I'm about to say something earth shattering, that has the power to change your life if you'll let it:

There's no such thing as perfect.

There it is, plain and simple. And that's the reason I never stuck with a blog before this one. It was pointless. Pretending your life is perfect is what Facebook is for. Trying to do that on more than one media platform is exhausting. You see, I think the real point of blogging is to share your heart with the people you care about; stories from your everyday life, and the random thoughts that keep you awake at night. Like this one. So that's what I'm doing.

Hi, my name is Kristen, and I am not perfect. I don't wake up at the crack of dawn, work out, go to my perfect job where I do everything right, cook three healthy and delicious meals every day, keep a perfectly clean apartment, and do it all in high heels. (My apartment actually is really clean right now, but that's mostly because there's nothing in it.) This morning I woke up at 10:30 because I was up late perusing Pinterest the night before. I did work out today, but I greatly prefer eating obscene amounts of bacon and watching BBC America. It is more or less impossible for me to cook right now because I have one pan, a spatula, and a baking sheet. That's about it. My kitchen table is a large plastic bin turned upside down. I am currently unemployed, and my parents are paying for my rent until I find a job. And my utilities. And my gas. And my groceries. And pretty much everything else. And I do enjoy wearing heels sometimes, but usually not when I'm doing any of the aforementioned things.

Most of my posts are probably going to be short stories of the things that are happening in my life, accompanied by pictures, video clips, and whatever other visual aides I come up with. But every once in a while I will find myself lying awake at midnight, thinking deep thoughts about life and feeling the strange impulse to share them with you (probably with a lot of typos- come on people, it's late- cut me some slack.) And I think that's the point. Because that's real. There is a 90% chance that if you're reading this we are pretty good friends. I don't know why you'd bother visiting a website where all I do is talk about myself if we weren't. And if I don't know you at all then it's highly unlikely you have access to the link that got you here (although if one random soul stumbled across this by happenstance, welcome.) So we're probably friends. And friendship is all about being real. About letting people inside your crazy life and allowing them to actually see the crazy. Stripping down that facade of "perfect" we try so desperately to hide behind. One of the sweetest and most meaningful friendships I have is with a woman who has five small children. Five! And if you think her house is always perfectly spotless and smells like cookies then you're delusional. But I can't tell you how many fantastic nights I've had over there after she puts her kids to bed. Sometimes one of them comes downstairs and throws a tantrum. And I sit there and smile while I eat a plate of delicious nachos. Because this the real life of my amazing friend, and I love her precious kiddos. (Side note, if you've never had deep discussions about life over a plate of nachos between episodes of Psych on Netflix, you've never really lived.) And no, not everyone gets to hear the thoughts I share with her. I'm not going to post them on the Internet for the whole world to see. That's not what "being real" means. Sometimes being real means not spending three hours cleaning before someone comes over when you simply don't have the time. Sometimes it means not spending every second worrying that people on various social media platforms might not think you're perfect. And sometimes, every once in a great while, it means confessing to everyone you know the extent of your love affair with bacon, like I did a few paragraphs ago. (Seriously, if you don't like bacon, you're wrong.)

I guess now I'm just rambling. And this is getting extremely long and not going anywhere near the place I expected it to. But I think you get the point. I'm not perfect. Neither are you. Right now my life looks a lot like an empty apartment with empty walls, and 4 "decorations."

1) A piece of paper ripped from a tiny notebook upon which I wrote the words, "No, but I'm about to," and taped to my freezer door. It's a quote from Jon Acuff's new book "Start" that I spent all evening reading. There's a slight possibility it's going to change my life. Or at least be the spark that sets off the explosion of whatever is about to happen next. (I give it six stars of out of five, if you're wanting a book review.)

2) A framed picture; the only one that didn't get wrapped and taped and sealed in a box in my parents' game room. It's of me and some friends in tacky Christmas apparel. When I say "friends" I mean co-workers from my old job. And when I say "co-workers," I mean family. A family that I miss every stinking day.

3) A tiny snow globe from my trip to Rome

4) A container of sprinkles that a dear friend gave me when I moved. It's an inside joke. And an inspiration. And it makes me smile every single time I look at it.

I'm not perfect. But I'm growing and learning. And doing my best to improve a little every day. So tomorrow I'm not waking up at 10:30. I'm setting an alarm. And maybe I'll make a real breakfast instead of eating a Krispy Kream doughnut. And I'll probably set aside some time to get lost again (see previous post.) And little by little I'll, meet people, get plugged in, and find a Nashville family. And maybe, if I'm gutsy enough, if I can muster just one ounce of crazy, insane bravery...I'll allow these people to see that I'm not perfect. That my dreams are crazy, my life is messy, and I am rather odd. And that's what makes me, me. And that's what makes me special. And, most importantly, that is where grace comes in.

Can we all learn to offer grace to the people around us; the grace to let them be themselves? And, what's even more challenging, to offer grace to ourselves. Give yourself the grace to be you. To be messy. To be real. Because no one is perfect. And I am so tired of pretending to be.

If you've ever wondered what I think about when I can't sleep, this makes the list. Other things I've thought about tonight include Doctor Who, shaved bears, makeup, Bible studies, earl grey tea, and neck braces. So, there you go.