Being An Adult

Here's a list of things that make me feel like an adult:

1) Living on my own
2) The fact that I think I may have found a church (whoop!)
3) Paying bills (boo)
4) Dropping $180 at the grocery store
5) The fact that I bought hummus

6) The amount of Odwalla in my fridge right now

7) Having thoughts like "Maybe I'll grab a rotisserie chicken for dinner tonight." (More specifically  this makes me feel like my mother. So... hmmmm.)

8) Learning my way around parts of Brentwood without my GPS (which, by the way, decided that right after I moved to a new state would be the perfect time to die on me. I had to guy buy a new one on Sunday #firstworldproblems)

9) The fact that I've been fairly consistent about hitting up the apartment gym. (meh)


Here's a list of things that make me feel like I'm actually still a kid playing grown-up:

1) My stubborn determination to carry all my grocery bags up the stairs in one trip (two trips is for n00bs)

2) The fact that this made it into the cart at Kroger today

3) The fact that I have to get other people to do things like hang curtain rods (thanks, Zach) and open salsa jars. (For those of you following the saga on Facebook: No, I still haven't gotten it open yet.)
4) The level of emotional distress I'm feeling because my pet rat hasn't warmed up to me yet
5) The fact that I have a pet rat

On that note, some of you may have missed that memo. So, ladies and gentlemen, meet Loki of Asgard

There's not too much else to share with you guys. It's been raining a lot, so I haven't done much exploring. I have gotten a lot of writing done on my book, though. I'd say I'm a little over halfway done. And this week promises to be more exiting then the last one. You'll hear more about that in the next blog post, probably. And somebody's having a birthday on Saturday. Not gonna say who. But I think you might know her... 

The whole time I was writing this blog post I kept thinking about "This is Why I'll Never be an Adult" from the blog Hyperbole and a Half. If you've never seen that blog, you are seriously missing out. And if you've never read that particular post before (or even if you have) then here you go, and you're welcome. (Apologies in advance for the profanity in her posts. But it's infrequent and completely worth it.)

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html

Imperfection Anonymous

When I first started blogging- You know what, let's hit pause for one second. You're probably already thinking, "This girl has made all of four blog posts and she's already about to share some important lesson she's learned from her vast experience." I'm right, aren't I? So this is the part where I point out that I've had other blogs before. I blogged briefly in college, and even did a detailed city by city segment after our family trip to Italy. (That part was pretty awesome actually. Not that I'm an amazing blogger, but because I was writing about Italy. Kind of hard to mess that up, right?) But the whole blogging thing never really stuck for me. And I've only recently figured out why that is....

Ok, un-pause. Or, I guess that's called "play." Whatever...

My blogging experience thus far has consisted of me carefully crafting the perfect post to make people think I'm a perfect girl living a perfect life. I'd obsess over making it witty and charming, or at the very least deep and pensive. The point of my blogging was to impress people, plain and simple. And you know what, there's no point to a blog who's only point is to impress people; to project themselves as perfect. Brace yourselves, because I'm about to say something earth shattering, that has the power to change your life if you'll let it:

There's no such thing as perfect.

There it is, plain and simple. And that's the reason I never stuck with a blog before this one. It was pointless. Pretending your life is perfect is what Facebook is for. Trying to do that on more than one media platform is exhausting. You see, I think the real point of blogging is to share your heart with the people you care about; stories from your everyday life, and the random thoughts that keep you awake at night. Like this one. So that's what I'm doing.

Hi, my name is Kristen, and I am not perfect. I don't wake up at the crack of dawn, work out, go to my perfect job where I do everything right, cook three healthy and delicious meals every day, keep a perfectly clean apartment, and do it all in high heels. (My apartment actually is really clean right now, but that's mostly because there's nothing in it.) This morning I woke up at 10:30 because I was up late perusing Pinterest the night before. I did work out today, but I greatly prefer eating obscene amounts of bacon and watching BBC America. It is more or less impossible for me to cook right now because I have one pan, a spatula, and a baking sheet. That's about it. My kitchen table is a large plastic bin turned upside down. I am currently unemployed, and my parents are paying for my rent until I find a job. And my utilities. And my gas. And my groceries. And pretty much everything else. And I do enjoy wearing heels sometimes, but usually not when I'm doing any of the aforementioned things.

Most of my posts are probably going to be short stories of the things that are happening in my life, accompanied by pictures, video clips, and whatever other visual aides I come up with. But every once in a while I will find myself lying awake at midnight, thinking deep thoughts about life and feeling the strange impulse to share them with you (probably with a lot of typos- come on people, it's late- cut me some slack.) And I think that's the point. Because that's real. There is a 90% chance that if you're reading this we are pretty good friends. I don't know why you'd bother visiting a website where all I do is talk about myself if we weren't. And if I don't know you at all then it's highly unlikely you have access to the link that got you here (although if one random soul stumbled across this by happenstance, welcome.) So we're probably friends. And friendship is all about being real. About letting people inside your crazy life and allowing them to actually see the crazy. Stripping down that facade of "perfect" we try so desperately to hide behind. One of the sweetest and most meaningful friendships I have is with a woman who has five small children. Five! And if you think her house is always perfectly spotless and smells like cookies then you're delusional. But I can't tell you how many fantastic nights I've had over there after she puts her kids to bed. Sometimes one of them comes downstairs and throws a tantrum. And I sit there and smile while I eat a plate of delicious nachos. Because this the real life of my amazing friend, and I love her precious kiddos. (Side note, if you've never had deep discussions about life over a plate of nachos between episodes of Psych on Netflix, you've never really lived.) And no, not everyone gets to hear the thoughts I share with her. I'm not going to post them on the Internet for the whole world to see. That's not what "being real" means. Sometimes being real means not spending three hours cleaning before someone comes over when you simply don't have the time. Sometimes it means not spending every second worrying that people on various social media platforms might not think you're perfect. And sometimes, every once in a great while, it means confessing to everyone you know the extent of your love affair with bacon, like I did a few paragraphs ago. (Seriously, if you don't like bacon, you're wrong.)

I guess now I'm just rambling. And this is getting extremely long and not going anywhere near the place I expected it to. But I think you get the point. I'm not perfect. Neither are you. Right now my life looks a lot like an empty apartment with empty walls, and 4 "decorations."

1) A piece of paper ripped from a tiny notebook upon which I wrote the words, "No, but I'm about to," and taped to my freezer door. It's a quote from Jon Acuff's new book "Start" that I spent all evening reading. There's a slight possibility it's going to change my life. Or at least be the spark that sets off the explosion of whatever is about to happen next. (I give it six stars of out of five, if you're wanting a book review.)

2) A framed picture; the only one that didn't get wrapped and taped and sealed in a box in my parents' game room. It's of me and some friends in tacky Christmas apparel. When I say "friends" I mean co-workers from my old job. And when I say "co-workers," I mean family. A family that I miss every stinking day.

3) A tiny snow globe from my trip to Rome

4) A container of sprinkles that a dear friend gave me when I moved. It's an inside joke. And an inspiration. And it makes me smile every single time I look at it.

I'm not perfect. But I'm growing and learning. And doing my best to improve a little every day. So tomorrow I'm not waking up at 10:30. I'm setting an alarm. And maybe I'll make a real breakfast instead of eating a Krispy Kream doughnut. And I'll probably set aside some time to get lost again (see previous post.) And little by little I'll, meet people, get plugged in, and find a Nashville family. And maybe, if I'm gutsy enough, if I can muster just one ounce of crazy, insane bravery...I'll allow these people to see that I'm not perfect. That my dreams are crazy, my life is messy, and I am rather odd. And that's what makes me, me. And that's what makes me special. And, most importantly, that is where grace comes in.

Can we all learn to offer grace to the people around us; the grace to let them be themselves? And, what's even more challenging, to offer grace to ourselves. Give yourself the grace to be you. To be messy. To be real. Because no one is perfect. And I am so tired of pretending to be.

If you've ever wondered what I think about when I can't sleep, this makes the list. Other things I've thought about tonight include Doctor Who, shaved bears, makeup, Bible studies, earl grey tea, and neck braces. So, there you go.

Getting Lost

Since I've been here I've spent a fair amount of time at my apartment. Ok, I'm going to level with you; I've spent a lot of time at my apartment. I'm living in a new city, I don't know my way around, and I don't have many things I need to do or places I need to be. I know how to get to Target (I've been there about 8 times since my move), Kroger, and the mall (all of which are less than two miles from my apartment), but I haven't ventured out much further than that. Today I decided that simply wasn't acceptable. I now live in one of the most beautiful places ever, and I haven't seen any of it. So today was the day I decided to get lost.

Growing up my father taught me the simple beauty of getting lost in a place you've never been before. You just find a road, backstreet, or intriguing path, and see where it takes you. All you need is a map (or in this case a GPS) so you can find your way back, and a sense of adventure. So this afternoon, after an uneventful morning of errands in Brentwood, I got in my car and drove. I found a road and followed it, turning on random streets that looked inviting. And I got myself very, gloriously lost. I ended up in Historic Downtown Franklin, which is adorable. Then I kept going, passing an old Civil War Battlefield. (Welcome to the South.) For a while I drove behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "Vivia! Nashvegas," which made me far happier than it probably should have. And I just kept on driving. And you know what? It was wonderful.

So here's something you may not know if you haven't been here: Tennessee is beautiful. I mean a drop your jaw, widen your eyes, awestruck kind of beautiful. I followed these small country back roads that curved around, and just took in the view. And here's what I discovered: Tennessee is rolling hills, miles and miles of trees, picket fences, horses, barns, and breathtaking countryside. I turned on K-Love and just drove for over an hour. And it was so good for the soul. Then I pulled out my handy GPS, plugged in the address of my apartment complex, and headed back.

I can't say I want to spend every day driving around with no idea where I'm going. At some point it loses it's charm, and I'm not sure I could afford the gas. But today was wonderful. And I think tomorrow I might turn my car in the other direction and explore the thriving city of downtown Nashville. I think it will be an entirely different sort of adventure.

Sorry there are no pictures from today's drive. But the thing is, I was driving. And, yanno, safety first. But come visit me sometime and we'll get lost together.

The rest of my day will probably be less interesting. I'm going to hit up the apartment fitness center in a sec. It seems like a better use of my time than sitting on my butt all evening. Then, in keeping with today's theme, I plan on getting lost in a book. I got the new Jon Acuff book that came out today, and I can't wait to read it. It seems like just the thing for me, considering my current life stage and situation.

This reading will most likely take place outside, since it's a truly glorious day. Then I guess dinner, and the continuation of what I did earlier today, which was listening to this song on repeat, because it's awesome and exactly where I'm at right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxFyX29pZnI

Other than that, there's not much else to tell you. Things are moving pretty slowly, but they are moving. Baby steps toward the completion of my EP, baby steps toward finding a job, and baby steps toward forming some community here. I can't say I've met a ton of people yet, but the ones I have met are great. 

Well, that's all I've got for now. And, of course, as things happen I'll keep you posted. 

By the way, I know a lot of you have been praying for me, and some have been sending encouraging words. I just wanted to take a second to say thanks. I hope you know how much that means to me. I truly have been blessed with the most amazing friends anyone could ask for. And even though pretty much all of you are far away right now, know that I think about you all the time. 

The end.

Out of the Woods

I've gotten a lot of questions in the past few days about why I was staying in a hotel the other day. And I figured it was about time I answered them. As you know if you've been reading my blog, I was staying with some family friends just north of Nashville until I found a job. They live in a little house in the woods which sounds cute in theory, but here's the problem: the woods are really far away. We knew it was a bit past Nashville, but we didn't realize just how far it was. The drive took forever, and traffic was awful. (Also I seem to be allergic to the woods.) Suffice it to say, that didn't work out. But I promised some pictures of the woods, and I always keep my promises.

So there's a little peek at my first week in Nashville. It looked a lot like that. It also looked a lot like me running around like a headless chicken, trying to do five thousand things before my mom left on Saturday.

Since the woods didn't work out, we had to come up with another option. Long story short, my wonderful parents have agreed to cover the rent of an apartment for me until I find a job (which hopefully will be soon.) I couldn't get into the apartment until Monday, hence the hotel. I spent all day yesterday unloading my car, carrying boxes up stairs, unpacking things, carrying more boxes up stairs, and doing my best to set up my apartment. This last part was a bit difficult considering I have an air mattress, and basically nothing else. 90% of my stuff is still at my parents' house in Houston, where it will remain until they have time to drive it up to me. Hopefully that will only be a few weeks from now but, in the meantime, I feel like I'm squatting in my own apartment. I still have a few things left to do, but I'm more or less settled for now. The apartment is pretty cute if you ignore the fact that it's empty.

 This is the view from my front door

This is the view from my balcony

 This is the view from my balcony at night and, oh my snap, is it gorgeous. It's probably difficult to appreciate in a dark picture, but the lights shine through the trees just right and it's really beautiful. It actually took my breath away when I first saw it.

Well that's about it. I could get deep and emotional about things never being the way you expect or those moments where you feel so small. But no one really wants to read that, and I'm not in the mood to write it. But I will say it's a little lonely being on your own. I suppose that's not such a bad thing; I know a lot of growth will come in this season, and those lonely moments are the ones that drive you to your knees. But they're also the moments where you learn the sound of the voices in your head telling you that you're going to fail and that you've just made the biggest mistake of your life. I guess these seasons are defined by which voice you choose to listen to. But anyway...

Things here aren't particularly exciting at the moment; a lot of errands, cleaning, and sitting around. But they're not bad. When things finally pick up I think I'm really going to like it here. And chances are everything's going to pick up all at once like a crazy whirlwind. Maybe when that happens I'll look back and wish for the days when I didn't have so much going on. But, at least for now, I absolutely cannot wait. 

My plan is, ideally, to post something once a week. But things are sort of happening in spurts, with big gaps of absolutely nothing in the middle. So for now I'll write as things happen, and hopefully once I find some sort of routine they'll level out. For now, everything is new and strange and I have no idea whatsoever what might happen next. But I'll keep you posted!

Short And A Little Sporadic

I don't have too terribly much to report, seeing as I've only lived in Nashville for a total of one day. But since I have the most amazing friends ever, I've had plenty of questions about my adventure so far so I thought I'd take a second to post a quick update.

For starters, this post is brought to you by the unexpected wifi at the house where I'm living for now. Praise the Lamb! This will make my life much easier, and my posts much more frequent.

So here's the short version of the past two days...

My mother and I left Katy, TX at 5:30 am on Friday morning, and pulled into Brentwood, TN at 9:30 pm. Basically I fell asleep listening to the Lord of the Rings audiobook we got for the trip, and when I awoke the old narrator was singing elvish songs and my mother had gotten us lost. This cost us about an hour. I managed to fall down the stairs carrying my large box of shoes on Thursday night (don't judge me) and pulled a muscle in my neck/left arm. So we arrived to Nashville extremely tired and sore, and slept in pretty late this morning.

Today I got up, saw one of the greatest people I know, the wonderful Christy Kennedy, then looked at a few apartments in the Brentwood area with my mother. I'm hoping to end up there before too long, assuming I can land a job. Then we headed up to Bethpage, where I'm living for the moment with some family friends I've known since I was a tiny girl with a British accent. They live in a precious A frame house up on a hill in a wooded area. There's a great porch, gazebo, and plenty of fun woodland creatures. There are also lots of nifty things around the house, like little treasures for me to discover over the next few weeks. The likelihood of me posting pictures of these "treasures" to my Instagram feed is extremely likely.

Well there's not much else to say for now. I'm still a little brain-dead from yesterday's drive. Tomorrow begins the (hopefully short-lived) church hunting portion of this adventure. Hopefully I'll find somewhere to plug in soon.

I hope this post makes sense and has some sort of followable flow. I promise to be less scatter-brained in the future (or at least hide it better in my posts).

My very first picture as a Nashville resident: